A personal post as I reflect on a difficult day. I had begun writing a post on toxic positivity which, in short, is where an overemphasis on staying positive risks dismissing or minimising genuine feelings of sadness, frustration, anger, or any other “negative” emotion.
I did not get further than the first paragraph so that will have to wait for another day, but the topic of the post was prompted by a day where it felt impossible to feel positive. In fact, I didn’t even attempt to, but that’s perfectly fine.
The complexity of human emotions
A mindset that insists on positivity at all costs invalidates the complexity of human emotions. No one can be positive all the time. Life does not allow it. And, of course, more challenging days help us appreciate the positive ones a lot more. It’s become a bit of a cliche, but it is true.
As the day draws to a close after an evening of wasting time scrolling through TikTok because my mind did not have the capacity to do anything else, I’m left thinking about a young man I met today.
On mental health recovery
Clearly unwell and in treatment for his mental health problems, I found myself having a really nice conversation with him about the fact that things can and do get better. I told him that it takes time, but it is possible to reach the point where he is in a better place.
I’ve always championed people being more open about their mental health, and I had no shame in talking to him a little about mine. I told him that I was in a similar position to him at his age – over thirty years ago.
Obviously, he’d had no idea, and he was interested to hear more. It was a brief but impactful conversation, and he remained in my thoughts for the rest of the day.
Further along the journey
It was not until much later that I realised I had come face-to-face with a younger version of myself. Someone who had lost hope and who would never even dared imagine having the happy (most of the time) and fulfilling life I have now.
I wanted to tell him that it won’t always be easy and there will be many setbacks on the road to recovery. Some will be severe, and he will feel like he is back to square one. Except he’s not because he’ll have experience of successfully navigating the path towards recovery before, so he can do it again.
Mental illness can last a lifetime but it’s possible to live with it and manage it well. That doesn’t apply to everyone, but I really hope it does for the young man I met today.
Offering hope
He thanked me for offering him hope. He said it was nice to meet someone so much further along the recovery journey than he was himself. He smiled as he left and, sounding very much like a mother, I told him he was to take care of himself.
He said he would, and I really hope that is the case. It felt like I had made a small difference to someone’s life, at least for those few minutes we spoke. I hope he reflects on the conversation as much as I have and takes some positives from it.
There’s the use of the word positive again. But it’s not quite the same as feeling optimistic, motivated, and excited about the future.
There will be days, months, or even longer when the feeling of hope and optimism is not there. This will particularly be the case for anyone struggling with mental illness.
Baby steps forward
Going from a place of despair to one where you are thriving is too big a leap. Life needs to feel a little brighter and more stable first. Progressing beyond that is to look too far ahead at a time when baby steps forward are what is needed.
The young man reminded me of how far I have come, and it is easy to forget that, especially on a day when you’ve experienced negative feedback that feels unfair and unnecessary.
I hope I have helped him realise how far he can go to in his journey towards better mental health, and that it is possible.
That would mean everything.
Maybe I should do more of that. Maybe that is my calling.
The good in every day
They say there may not be good days but there is good in every day. It is not always easy to find it, and there will be times when it is not there at all.
But today I have found the good in the day. A positive after all.
