After immersing myself in the world of slow living and seeing its benefits, the next step was to investigate living a simpler life, which is the name of a delightful book called A Simpler Life from The School of Life.
In its introduction it talks about the role industrialisation has played in making “a vast array of products available to almost anyone at low cost.”
The need for simplicity
We now have more options than ever before when it comes to what to buy, what to watch, and what to read that we crave simplicity in a world that has become increasingly complex.
Simplicity has grown central to our vision of happiness.
Simpler Relationships
Regarding simpler relationships, the book talks about the benefits of ‘simpler kinds of people.’
While humans are complex, there are benefits to communication that is clear and straightforward, of someone saying, plainly, what they really want and who they really are.
Around simple, straightforward people, there is no need to second-guess, infer decode, untangle, unscramble or translate. There are no sudden surprises. If they don’t want to do something, they will, politely, and in good time, explain that it’s not really for them.
The book talks about how much simpler and easier life is when we’re not having to go along to an event, pretending we’re interested when really, we’re not.
We’re feeling miserable but pretending to be happy. My introverted self can relate to this.
When we’re able to be open and honest, and not have to hide what we really think and feel. When we stop engaging in communication that is vague and confusing.
When we stop hoping our message will be accurately deciphered from the clues we have left because we were not able to openly express our wishes.
That’s when we’re being our true selves, and life is simpler as a result.
Speaking in emotional code
The book states that the cause of this confusing, complicated pattern of behaviour, that leaves someone speaking in emotional code, is likely to have its origins in childhood when our primary caregivers gave the impressions that there was no room for honesty.
That won’t be the case for everyone, but it will be for many who struggle to communicate in a more simple and less complicated way.
The freedom to be who we truly are
Fortunately, none of us is fated to be eternally complicated. We can untangle ourselves by noticing and growing curious about the origins of our evasiveness.
Our circumstances have now changed, and we have the freedom to own up to more of who we really are, and we have the agency, as a last resort, to simply walk away.
Simpler families
When it comes to the complex relationships some people can have with their parents (not mine, if they are reading this), the book reminds us that we can find them maddening while still having love for them, therefore: “We can’t dismiss them as catastrophes.”
The impossible task of parenting
We’re also reminded that the possibilities for error when it comes to parenting, are endless, from being too strict and controlling to being too gentle and indulgent. One may result in the child failing to gain an independent sense of direction, and the other to the child failing to temper their own aggressive and egotistical tendencies.
It’s not really our parents that who were the problem; it is that infants have no opinion but to allow their minds to be shaped by the random set of average, and consequently, flawed adults in their vicinity.
The challenges of the generation gap
Our children will no doubt react to us in the same way, if they have not already, particularly when you consider that we are a generation older and bring to the table, values, worries and hopes that might be relevant to us but less so to them.
Simplicity in our familiar relationships must spring from a recognition of the inherent complexity of what we’re trying to do – which is to get on well with someone who has unavoidably damaged us and whose outlook on life can never reasonably align with our own.
Compassion on both sides is needed as we recognise, we are all only trying to do our best.
Simpler social life
When it comes to engaging with other people, the book reminds us that we are the descendants of people who had to operate in tribes and follow certain rules and rituals.
They needed to be aware of what others thought of them and stay on their right side to survive.
However, today, it no longer serves us to spend time worrying about what others think of us and adjusting our behaviour accordingly.
The burden of groupthink
We also need to be aware of the burden of groupthink, and recognise the limitations of group wisdom, particularly when it does not match our own experiences. We are advised to be aware that “… what most people think isn’t and should never be a reasonable guide to our own lives.”
The importance of compassion towards ourselves
We also need to be compassionate towards ourselves as we know the journey we have been through in life and the struggles we have faced.
And if we can feel a proper, deserved compassion for ourselves, our interest in how others may judge us recedes. In the end, it doesn’t matter if they respect or love us; we love and respect ourselves enough to endure.
Free of the shackles of what other people think, we are free to be ourselves and live the life we wanted all along, which makes life a lot simpler.
Parties and small talk
There’s also an amusing entry about parties – how we may have been invited to the party, but our deeper selves have not. So rather than asking about the interesting areas of life recognising our intellect and complexity as human beings, we are left talking about the weather and the last holiday we took.
When we lead quiet and simple lives, we aren’t deprived; we have been granted the privilege of being able to travel the unfamiliar, sometimes daunting, but essentially wondrous continents inside our own minds.
A wonderful book
A Simpler Life from The School of Life is a wonderful book, beautifully written. It’s short enough to read in one sitting and one that would make a great gift for a loved one. It covers a lot more than I have mentioned here and will change your view of life.
Ultimately, it’s a guide to editing down the complexity of our lives and gaining insights into what we really want as a result. I highly recommend it.
