In a world saturated with media messages, social pressures, and unrealistic standards, the concept of body image has taken on greater significance than ever before. Children are now exposed to a constant barrage of images, expectations, and subtle cues that can shape how they see their own bodies.
As a parent, caregiver, or teacher, navigating conversations about body image with kids can feel daunting but is crucial for fostering a healthy sense of self-worth. There are strategies on how to talk to kids about body image that can be used with the aim of helping them develop a positive relationship with their bodies.
Start the Conversation Early
It’s never too early to begin talking to children about their bodies in a healthy and affirming way. Body image issues can begin as early as preschool, when children are starting to recognise differences in appearance.
Simple discussions about diversity in body types, skin colours, and abilities can help lay a foundation of understanding that no one body is “better” than another.
When talking to younger children, it’s essential to emphasise function over form. For instance, we can talk about how their legs help them run, jump, and play, or how their arms allow them to hug their friends and family.
Reinforce the idea that their bodies are tools that allow them to experience and enjoy life, rather than objects to be evaluated for their appearance.
Model Positive Body Talk
Children are keen observers and often absorb the attitudes of the adults around them. If they hear us criticising our own body or others’, they may adopt similar habits.
If we are counting calories or ‘syns’, weighing out food and discussing portion sizes, and putting graphics on the fridge celebrating our weight loss, they will pick up on it. Very little goes unnoticed, and children do as we do, not as we say.
We also need to be mindful of how you talk about bodies – both ours and others’ – in front of your children. Replace negative self-talk with positive or neutral language about our body.
Instead of saying “I need to lose weight,” we could say, “I’m working on feeling stronger and healthier.”
Encourage children to see their bodies as dynamic and evolving, focusing on what their bodies can do rather than how they look.
Address Media Influence
Kids today are exposed to more media than ever, from TV and movies to social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok. These media outlets often promote a narrow and unrealistic standard of beauty, which can negatively influence how kids perceive their own bodies.
It’s important to discuss media literacy with children, teaching them to critically assess what they see.
Explain that many images in the media are altered or enhanced, often using Photoshop, to meet certain beauty standards that aren’t real or achievable for most people. Help them understand that beauty comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms.
When you see diverse representations of beauty in the media, point them out and celebrate them with your child. These conversations can help children understand that what they see on screens doesn’t define what’s valuable or beautiful.
Avoid Body Shaming
Even well-meaning comments about weight or appearance can have a lasting negative impact on a child’s self-esteem. We need to avoid making comments that criticise or praise a child’s body, whether about weight, size, or appearance. Instead, we need to focus on their accomplishments, talents, and character.
For example, instead of saying, “You look so skinny today!” try, “You look so happy today!” or “You did such a great job on your project!” By shifting the focus away from appearance, we encourage children to value themselves for who they are, not just how they look.
Teach Healthy Habits, Not Dieting
Children’s perceptions of their bodies are closely tied to their relationship with food and exercise. Instead of framing food and exercise as tools for achieving a certain body type, teach children that these habits are about feeling good and being healthy.
Encourage a balanced, nutritious diet without labelling foods as “good” or “bad.” For many of us, the slogan ‘naughty but nice’ sticks with us from childhood, next to images of cream cakes on the side of bus stops.
Similarly, promote physical activity as something that’s fun and enjoyable, rather than as a means of weight control. When kids understand that health isn’t determined by size but by habits, they are less likely to equate their self-worth with how much they weigh or how they look.
Make it clear that everyone’s body has different needs, and that health can look different for different people.
Encourage Body Autonomy
It’s vital to teach children that their bodies are their own. Empower them to make choices about their bodies, from the clothes they wear and how they style their hair, to the activities they participate in.
When children have control over their bodies, they are more likely to feel confident and less susceptible to external pressures to look a certain way.
Additionally, teach children to respect others’ bodily autonomy. Let them know it’s never okay to comment negatively on someone else’s appearance and encourage empathy and understanding when others may be struggling with body image issues themselves.
There are many adults who need to be more aware of this too. Spend any time on social media and you’ll see people leaving appalling comments on the posts of individuals, especially those in the public eye, who may have aged, gained weight, lost weight, or been photographed with spots and cellulite that are actually completely normal.
Validate Their Feelings
Kids may feel frustrated, sad, or anxious about their appearance at some point, and it’s important to validate those feelings. Don’t dismiss their concerns with phrases like, “You’re perfect the way you are.”
While well-intentioned, these kinds of comments can shut down further discussion. Instead, acknowledge how they feel and ask questions that help them explore those feelings.
For example, if our child says, “I don’t like the way I look,” we might respond with, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Can you tell me what makes you feel that like?” This opens the door to more in-depth conversations about body image and can help us understand where their insecurities are coming from.
Emphasise the Importance of Self-Worth
One of the most crucial points to make during body image conversations is that self-worth is not tied to appearance.
Even, as adults, that is difficult to get our heads around, especially if we were teenagers in the early 90s when their careers of models like Kate Moss and Jodi Kidd were at their peak and thinness was celebrated and admired everywhere.
Help your child understand that what makes them special isn’t the way they look, but their kindness, curiosity, humour, intelligence, and other internal qualities. Reinforce this message regularly by praising their efforts and character rather than their looks.
By fostering an environment where children feel valued for who they are, not what they look like, we can help them develop a sense of self-worth that isn’t contingent on external appearance. This is a key component of building a healthy body image.
Final thoughts
Talking to kids about body image may feel complex, and as a parent, navigating this domain and getting it right can feel terrifying. But it’s one of the most important conversations we can have as they grow.
By starting early, modelling positive behaviour, addressing media influence, and avoiding body shaming, promoting healthy habits, encouraging autonomy, validating feelings, and emphasizing self-worth, we can help our children develop a healthy and positive relationship with their body that will serve them well throughout their lives.
